Duh

Congratulations on the new pound! I totally hear you... I'm back into losing some weight after almost a week of nada.

The surfing sounds like a great perspective... Actually, I think you hit the jackpot, mentally speaking, with the idea of surrounding yourself only with guys of a certain... let's say quality. I know I'm risking sounding a lot like Fernando, but hmmm... maybe he was onto something.

Personally, I know what I'm worth: I'm pretty, I have a great body (minus the weight), I'm smart and have a lot of drive (sexual and otherwise). Why do I need to settle for anything less? Why should someone get so much of me for free?

There is always of course, the hardship of finding someone who you think is matched up enough, but, isn't it worth a try?

In my mind, I'm developing a great Cosmopolitan article. It follows:


DUH... 10 EASY AND OBVIOUS WAYS OF GETTING WHAT YOU (REALLY) DESERVE

Have you ever wondered how you got stuck with your last boyfiend? Yes, the one who YOU used to take out to lunch and dinner, clean and wash for and who still expected to be pleased in every possible way after your exhausting day at work?

Have you ever wondered why all your boyfriends are below your own capacities in work, looks and bed, while you, honestly (and not just according to your mother) think you deserve better?

Mostly, have you ever wondered why, in spite of it all you still feel guilty when the thought of breaking up comes into mind?

Our two Cosmo specialists tell you why... And even better, how to get away from it all!

1) Fish in a different pond:


"What is it you are looking for in a man?" asks Stacey Liem, Cosmo's sex specialist. "You need to figure out the exact kind of man you are looking for... and go hunting! Men are lying around everywhere. The kind of man you would want in your life is not. It takes a lot of cool thinking o figure out what you want, where they are, and to plan a strategy to enter those circles".


2) Don't Settle!


From very early in our life, EVERYONE goes through the same paths: Kindergarten, School, Work... "Many of us meet someone we like and get along with in one of the "generic" areas of life. After you develop a relationship, inertia and guilt make it difficult to break it up just because it's not exactly what we are looking for", adds Marta de Reyna, Cosmo's relationship expert. "While it is true that every relationshop takes a lot of work, don't settle if looks, sex or money are meaningfully below your standard".


3) Save it, Baby, Save it!


With women's liberation, it's become a common habit for younger -and not so young- women to make the rounds, sexually speaking. "While it's great to be able to do it without public condemnation, women do tend to get emotionally attached after sex, and that can lead them to forming lasting relationships that are neither happy nor fulfilling", says Marta. Stacey adds: "Men do much better in this regard, as they can keep perfectly distinct areas in their mind: the right girl and the right now girl are not usually the same, and they know it. Know it too!"


4) Know what you want


As obvious as this statement may be, it's usually the toughest part, say our experts. "Of course we all can say "I want a long, happy marriage and many children"" says Liem, "the difficulty comes when we have to face our own very shallow, very selfish desires". Marta nods, "it's very hard for most women to face the fact that these desires exist and that they are very important. We each want what we want, and guess what? It's ok!... If it's sex every night, you have to akcnoledge it. If it's no sex at all, a 9 inch penis or to have a career instead of children, you have to acknoledge them too."


5) Know what you can offer


"Relationships are wonderful, but it's also a market", says Stacey "You can't count on having someone see through every layer and fall in love with you just because. You need to know what you can offer to tackle your love interest, and put it to practice".

6) Have a rating system

"We're going to get sooo many letters for this one", jokes de Reyna. Stacey adds "have a general rating system. Balance looks, money, sense of humor... whatever is important to you. NEVER date someone below 7,5 in your rating system"

7) Kill the Guit

Stop it already! "Why would you ever feel guilty about not liking someone? It's not your mission to make it up to all the men who are simply not up to your standard", says de Reyna.

8) Be Cool about It
And we don't just mean in the way you act. "Step aside. Think about what you need to get the person who will make you happy, and develop a strategy". Liem is clear on this issue:"Women have been made to feel that having a strategy is being manipulative... a sort of Jezabel". "The only women who ever get to the top in anything, are those with a strategy", points Marta.

9) Know What You Can Give Up, and How Much of It You Can Give Up
"The title basically says it all" says de Reyna "you have to aim for the top, but you also have to realize that sometimes camping close feels just as good". "No relationship is perfect, and more so in the long run. We're not saying "never settle if it's not 100%", we're saying "never settle if it's less that 75%"... You have to determine what this means in your standards", adds Stacey.

10) Be comfortable
In your skin, with your tastes, your determinations and with the man you end up with. "Long term relationships are worthless if you can't be at ease... It's no good to find someone you look up to and adore if you can't be yourself fully" points Marta.

Duhh....