As Promised, Some Self Pity

I have to admit that I'm a sucker for Robert Pattinson hair or no hair, shower or no shower; and that I'm back at the point where I don't really give a flying you know what about his age. Anyways, in case it makes you feel better: http://www.theimproper.com/Images/Art/rob%20pattinson%20haircut.jpg.

In fact, I think that all this boy crazyness in me is due to the fact -and here, my friend, comes the Self Pity Part- that I haven't been all that happy in my personal life for the past few months. Let me try to explain:

I love Leo very much, and the thought of not having him in the long run is somewhat disturbing, but to put it mildly and briefly, he hasn't done much for himself in the past, and things are not looking up. It's such a HUGE turn-off for me to see that he is so passive, I can't begin to explain it to you. I'm at the point where I look at him like a brother or a cousin: I definetely see him as part of my family, but not a part of my family that I would like to marry.

I often think that I have a strong desire to have a big career, so maybe it's good to have someone in my life who is willing to stay at home and take care of the house; but in the back of my mind I get the impression that this kind of thinking is way too progressive for me.

Nobody in my life has ever been willing to take as good care of me as Leo does: he puts up with a lot from me, and is always sweet and loving... I'm not sure that I would be able to find someone who would like me as much as he does.

Is any of this even important? Am I just spinning my wheels over things that will solve themselves?

I feel completely unmotivated about getting married, not to speak about starting a family, but when I fantasize about things, it's always about meeting someone and marrying. Then I realize I already have a boyfriend.

There is no perspective of any kind of progress, and therefore, the relationship lacks all interest. But, what if I break up with him only to realize I've been a fool?

I know that the fact that I'm asking all these questions is not a good sign. I've figured, I'll give this relationship till May. If things have not progressed, I may have to pull the plug. I just surf through the days, and I have so much in my mind that I don't really question these things, but when I do, I freak myself out.

Stacey, I work such long hours... How am I ever going to meet anyone again?

All of this probably sounds horribly selfish and immature. Thoughts, please.